letka_jenka
10 лет
Все, как у нас
Once upon a time, a very long time ago, there was a little girl who wanted one day to meet her handsome prince and have little princes and princesses of her own. Now, she was a very sensible little girl, so she waited till after she'd been through school snd university, till she'd god a job, paid of some debts, and met a handsome not-quite-prince-but-definitely-very-nice-guy. She had her 31st birthday, they did some and didn't arrive on time. She thought 'I'm going to be a mummy ' which was both scary and exciting. but 2 days later arrived, and the now grown woman was sad. She spoke to her love, and they started doing more ^hump^which when nothing happened became . The woman got a thermometer, and drew little charts with her temperture to say when was the best time to , but that didn't work. So she checked things like her mucous, to tell when was the best time for but that didn't work. She even bought some little sticks and got the in, but that didn't work. So , after a year and a half, she went to see her doctor, and told him about the problem in making little princes and princesses. He was a nice doctor, not like the ones she'd seen when her tummy hurt when the was around when she was younger,who'd told her it was all part of being a woman and she had to get on with it, there was nothing wrong with her.
The doctor sent her to see another doctor, who poked and proded her, and said ' you have endometriosis. we need to have a look in your tummy to see how bad it is '
so she had lots of blood samples taken each month, which were all ok, and a few months later, she went to the hosptal. but there were no nurses to take care of her when she woke up, so she was sent home. 3 months later, she went to another hospital, and went of to sleep and was poked and proded. When she woke up the doctor came to see her and said ' I'm very sorry but your endo is very bad. You'll need IVF to have a baby '
The doctor sent her to see another doctor, who poked and proded her, and said ' you have endometriosis. we need to have a look in your tummy to see how bad it is '
so she had lots of blood samples taken each month, which were all ok, and a few months later, she went to the hosptal. but there were no nurses to take care of her when she woke up, so she was sent home. 3 months later, she went to another hospital, and went of to sleep and was poked and proded. When she woke up the doctor came to see her and said ' I'm very sorry but your endo is very bad. You'll need IVF to have a baby '
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Now the woman had heard of IVF and she because she knew it was going to be a long time before she met her princes and princesses. also said that it was possible that she had something nastier than the endo, and took little bits to look and and find out. But the good news was it was just endo. So they gave her some drugs that were supposed to help, but instead it made her feel worse. Then the
gave her some other drugs to make her feel better, but they didnt work either. So they stopped the drugs, and sent her to see another This one said that they needed to use magic lights in her tummy to make her feel better. So they put her to sleep, and filled her tummy up with gas, and used the magic lights to burn away the endo. They also cut little bits out, so she didnt feel so poorly. When she woke up the woman felt very poorly. 3 weeks later the saw her again with a very sore tummy and said that the endo on her left ovary had grown back very quickly. 3 months after that , a big ambulance had to rush the woman to hospital. The endo on her Left ovary had got really big. The said that they had to cut her open and take out the ovary to fix it, and that she might need to have a bag to poo out ot. Now the woman was very scared, because she didnt want a poo bag.
When she woke up , the woman was very happy, as she didnt have a poo bag. But she still felt queasy and sore. So she went to see an acupunturist, a nice lady who uses needles to make you feel better. It worked, so the woman kept going, and still goes now.
gave her some other drugs to make her feel better, but they didnt work either. So they stopped the drugs, and sent her to see another This one said that they needed to use magic lights in her tummy to make her feel better. So they put her to sleep, and filled her tummy up with gas, and used the magic lights to burn away the endo. They also cut little bits out, so she didnt feel so poorly. When she woke up the woman felt very poorly. 3 weeks later the saw her again with a very sore tummy and said that the endo on her left ovary had grown back very quickly. 3 months after that , a big ambulance had to rush the woman to hospital. The endo on her Left ovary had got really big. The said that they had to cut her open and take out the ovary to fix it, and that she might need to have a bag to poo out ot. Now the woman was very scared, because she didnt want a poo bag.
When she woke up , the woman was very happy, as she didnt have a poo bag. But she still felt queasy and sore. So she went to see an acupunturist, a nice lady who uses needles to make you feel better. It worked, so the woman kept going, and still goes now.
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The woman and her not-quite-prince-charming-but-a-very-nice-guy got an appointment and went to see the special about the IVF. said that they were at the top of the waiting list for IVF.The also spoke about something called IUI, but said that there was no point for the woman, because her insides were too poorly. So they waited....and waited........and waited........and waited.......... and 6 months later they went back to see the special .
Now they had blood samples taken from both the woman and her lover. They wanted to test them for little bugs. The woman was scared, as everyone is, because while she had tried to make sure she didn't get any little bugs......
But when the came in and they asked about the bugs, the said they were ok, neither of them had an little bugs. So the woman and her love were happy.
But then the said one of the woman's other bloods - one that hadn't been tested before- was too low , something called AMH. When the woman asked how low, she was told 0.9. When she asked what was normal, they said 5-15. They said it meant that , while the woman had just had her 35th birthday 4 weeks before, her ovary was a lot older than that, and it meant that her chances of having a baby were very low. So the woman was vey upset and she
Now they had blood samples taken from both the woman and her lover. They wanted to test them for little bugs. The woman was scared, as everyone is, because while she had tried to make sure she didn't get any little bugs......
But when the came in and they asked about the bugs, the said they were ok, neither of them had an little bugs. So the woman and her love were happy.
But then the said one of the woman's other bloods - one that hadn't been tested before- was too low , something called AMH. When the woman asked how low, she was told 0.9. When she asked what was normal, they said 5-15. They said it meant that , while the woman had just had her 35th birthday 4 weeks before, her ovary was a lot older than that, and it meant that her chances of having a baby were very low. So the woman was vey upset and she
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So the woman had to call the the next time the arrived, and go in and let them have a look at her insides, and take a blood sample. They phoned her up to say she was to start taking drugs - 375 of Gonal F each day. After 5 days they said that, while her ovary was old and tired, it was still responding, so she had to start cetrotide each day as well. After 11 days on the Gonal F she had to take a special injection at a specific time, then go into hospital a day and a half later. they put her to sleep so they could get the eggs. When she woke up the said they had got 2 eggs. The womans love had already given his to make the baby.
The next day the woman phoned up, and the said it was good news - one of the eggs had fertilised, and was now a maybe-baby. The woman and her love were very excited. 2 days later they went back to see the who put the maybe-baby back in the womans tummy.
The woman and her love spoke to the maybe-baby. They told it how much they loved it and wanted it to stay, and be a proper baby, not just a maybe-baby. they had to wait 2 weeks till they went back to see the for the blood test. They had done but it said that the maybe - baby wasn't growing. Then the arrived. The woman and her handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but-very-nice-guy both . But then the phoned and said the blood test showed the maybe-baby was alive. They kept taking bloods from the woman, and the baby kept growing , so the woman and her love were very happy. But then the came back , and the woman's tummy was sorer. She told her work, and the kept taking bloods, and they said that the maybe-baby wasnt growing any more, that it was dying. She phoned up her boss to tell him the baby had died, but he didn't care. All he cared about was telling her off for not being at work. And he told lots of people that the woman hadn't really been pregnant, and that is wasnt really a baby, as it's been too little. So the woman and her love were
The woman and her love spoke to the maybe-baby. They told it how much they loved it and wanted it to stay, and be a proper baby, not just a maybe-baby. they had to wait 2 weeks till they went back to see the for the blood test. They had done but it said that the maybe - baby wasn't growing. Then the arrived. The woman and her handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but-very-nice-guy both . But then the phoned and said the blood test showed the maybe-baby was alive. They kept taking bloods from the woman, and the baby kept growing , so the woman and her love were very happy. But then the came back , and the woman's tummy was sorer. She told her work, and the kept taking bloods, and they said that the maybe-baby wasnt growing any more, that it was dying. She phoned up her boss to tell him the baby had died, but he didn't care. All he cared about was telling her off for not being at work. And he told lots of people that the woman hadn't really been pregnant, and that is wasnt really a baby, as it's been too little. So the woman and her love were
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The woman wanted to speak to the to see if they could find out why the maybe-baby had died. She had a cousin who had had several maybe-babies die because she had a problem with her blood being too thick. So they took bloods from the woman and her lover and tested them. And they said that the woman did have a problem with her blood clotting, and maybe that was why the maybe-baby had died. So , from now on, she was to take little baby aspirin 75mg tablets every day, and another injection called heparin during IVF and if she got another maybe-baby.
The hospital had, during this time a who wanted to try a new tablet before the cycle - he thought it might help the woman . So they gave the woman norethisterone 5mg. She had to take 1 pill each morning and night for 2 weeks starting 18days aftet the had last started. They made the woman feel sore tired and very very grotty feeling but, she thought, if this will help me get my little prince or princess.... She also started a drug called DHEA which was supposed to help old tired ovaries feel young and make more eggs.
After the 2 weeks on Norethisterone the had another look inside the woman. 'that's not right ' she said. 'It's supposed to make your lining of your womb thinner. Yours is a lot thicker' . so they gave the womananother 2 weeks to see if that would make it better.
When the woman went back in after the extra 2 weeks on pills, the said 'we're not using that drug any mre. It isn't working. We want to use this drug instead; And they wanted to put the woman on the ' long protocol' . But the woman didn't want to do that as, if your ovary is old and tired as hers was, it often doesn't work. So she argued with the , because she had got a maybe-baby from the short protocol last time. So the agreed she could do that one again.
Meanwhile , the woman had been having some other problems. The had said her blood pressure was too high,so they'd run lots of tests to see if they could find out why. They could't , so they gave her some pills.
The woman was also having problems with peeing and pooing in her pants a little. This was very embarassing for a grown-up. They did some tests on her to see if they could find out why. They had a look up into her bladder , but that was ok. There was no endo hiding there.
So the woman took the gonal f 375 again. But when they looked inside her to see what was happening, they found 2 big cysts on her ovary that hadn't been there before they started the gonal F. So they said they had to cancel the cycle. The woman . the inj made her endo grow again. and she was very poorly when the arrived after they'd stopped the drugs. The woman's work were not happy.
After the 2 weeks on Norethisterone the had another look inside the woman. 'that's not right ' she said. 'It's supposed to make your lining of your womb thinner. Yours is a lot thicker' . so they gave the womananother 2 weeks to see if that would make it better.
When the woman went back in after the extra 2 weeks on pills, the said 'we're not using that drug any mre. It isn't working. We want to use this drug instead; And they wanted to put the woman on the ' long protocol' . But the woman didn't want to do that as, if your ovary is old and tired as hers was, it often doesn't work. So she argued with the , because she had got a maybe-baby from the short protocol last time. So the agreed she could do that one again.
Meanwhile , the woman had been having some other problems. The had said her blood pressure was too high,so they'd run lots of tests to see if they could find out why. They could't , so they gave her some pills.
The woman was also having problems with peeing and pooing in her pants a little. This was very embarassing for a grown-up. They did some tests on her to see if they could find out why. They had a look up into her bladder , but that was ok. There was no endo hiding there.
So the woman took the gonal f 375 again. But when they looked inside her to see what was happening, they found 2 big cysts on her ovary that hadn't been there before they started the gonal F. So they said they had to cancel the cycle. The woman . the inj made her endo grow again. and she was very poorly when the arrived after they'd stopped the drugs. The woman's work were not happy.
The woman went back in to see the again, who said that they had to try something different and that she had to do the long protocol. So, 1 week before arrived, the woman got an injection called prostap. Now this was the same drug they'd given her for her endo, that had made her feel grotty. But this time, it didn't make her feel too bad, and it helped with her pee-ing and poo-ing in her pants. The didn't know why it had helped , and said it shouldnt have.
3 weeks later then woman went back to see the IVF and they had a look inside again. The jag had worked to make the lining nice and thin , and there were no cysts on the ovary. So the woman was to start gonal f 375 injections once a day again. After a week she was also to snort this stuff called snuff up her nose - it did the same thing as the injection. It gave her a headache, and made her feel tired and a lot, but she thought ' I need to do this if I'm going to meet my little price or princess '
When she went back for then to look inside again, after a while on injections, there were 5 follicles. So they put her to sleep again to get the eggs out. But this time she wasn't properly asleep. She heard the say that while there were 5 follicles there was only 1 egg, and it didnt look right. so she started in the operating room and the doctors couldnt get her to stop. So they ended up phoning her handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but-a-very-nice-guy, and he came and gave her a and took her home. And her Mum came over and gave her a and she some more.The next day when she phoned the and they said that the egg hadn't fertalised, she was not surprised.
3 weeks later then woman went back to see the IVF and they had a look inside again. The jag had worked to make the lining nice and thin , and there were no cysts on the ovary. So the woman was to start gonal f 375 injections once a day again. After a week she was also to snort this stuff called snuff up her nose - it did the same thing as the injection. It gave her a headache, and made her feel tired and a lot, but she thought ' I need to do this if I'm going to meet my little price or princess '
When she went back for then to look inside again, after a while on injections, there were 5 follicles. So they put her to sleep again to get the eggs out. But this time she wasn't properly asleep. She heard the say that while there were 5 follicles there was only 1 egg, and it didnt look right. so she started in the operating room and the doctors couldnt get her to stop. So they ended up phoning her handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but-a-very-nice-guy, and he came and gave her a and took her home. And her Mum came over and gave her a and she some more.The next day when she phoned the and they said that the egg hadn't fertalised, she was not surprised.
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She then was called back in to see the to talk about things. The she had spoken to when she agreed to do the long protocol had said if it didnt work, and they didnt get eggs, it wouldnt count as one of her 2 cycles on the NHS. That was the only reason the woman had agreed to do it. She spoke to the secretary and asked her if they were goig to offer her another cycle , and the secretary said that was what they wanted to discuss. So , while the woman spoke to a doctor at a private clinic, she didnt do anything till she saw the at the first one.
But he did not offer her another cycle. He said that he thought there was no point in doing anything further with her eggs, recommended she go to spain for donor egg treatment. he said that he disagreed with all the stuff the at the private clinic had said.
The woman and her love went to see the people at the private clinic. They said they would do a flare protocol. But the woman wanted to leave it till after the investigating her poo-ing problem to put her to sleep to have a good feel inside her bottom. They found she had a weak pelvic floor and something called a rectocoel. They said they couldnt fix it, but sent her to see a pelvic floor physio to see if they could help.
So the woman had the flare protocol. First they gave her 2 weeks on the norethisterone again. This made her poo-ing and pee-ing in her pants worse again, but the still said no , it couldnt do. The woman thought this is to get my little prince or princess. Then she started on the snuff up the nose again. It gave her a headache, but it was for a good reason, so she kept going. Then she started the gonal fagain. She had 4 good follicles on her ovary, so she took the special time injection and they brought her in and put her to sleep. But they were late in putting her to sleep and when she woke up they said that there were no follicles when they'd looked. She asked why, and was told ' we dont know. the bloods showed you havent ovulated you'll have to wait a week to find out ' so she waited a week, and tried to find out why her follicles had disappeared. the only reasons seemed to be either they couldnt find her ovary, or she'd ovulated. Either way she was not happy because the clinic had kept her waiting before she went off to sleep.
She came in to see one of the boss . He said she had ovulated too early, but said the clinic had not kept her waiting very long, and that was not why she'd ovulated. He said it was the fault of the DHEA,but the woman had stopped taking that when she started the snuff.
He didn't offer her any money back above normal, and didnt offer her any money off another cycle.
The woman went home and thought about it. She was not happy with the clinic because the time they said she had gone to sleep was a lot earlier than she remembered going to sleep, and that time potentially made the difference. Also when she woke up, the clinic told her she hadn't ovulated when she had, and the staff had been laughing and joking outside her door while she was waking up, after she'd been told there were no eggs and she was But that clinic was the best one around her area.
But he did not offer her another cycle. He said that he thought there was no point in doing anything further with her eggs, recommended she go to spain for donor egg treatment. he said that he disagreed with all the stuff the at the private clinic had said.
The woman and her love went to see the people at the private clinic. They said they would do a flare protocol. But the woman wanted to leave it till after the investigating her poo-ing problem to put her to sleep to have a good feel inside her bottom. They found she had a weak pelvic floor and something called a rectocoel. They said they couldnt fix it, but sent her to see a pelvic floor physio to see if they could help.
So the woman had the flare protocol. First they gave her 2 weeks on the norethisterone again. This made her poo-ing and pee-ing in her pants worse again, but the still said no , it couldnt do. The woman thought this is to get my little prince or princess. Then she started on the snuff up the nose again. It gave her a headache, but it was for a good reason, so she kept going. Then she started the gonal fagain. She had 4 good follicles on her ovary, so she took the special time injection and they brought her in and put her to sleep. But they were late in putting her to sleep and when she woke up they said that there were no follicles when they'd looked. She asked why, and was told ' we dont know. the bloods showed you havent ovulated you'll have to wait a week to find out ' so she waited a week, and tried to find out why her follicles had disappeared. the only reasons seemed to be either they couldnt find her ovary, or she'd ovulated. Either way she was not happy because the clinic had kept her waiting before she went off to sleep.
She came in to see one of the boss . He said she had ovulated too early, but said the clinic had not kept her waiting very long, and that was not why she'd ovulated. He said it was the fault of the DHEA,but the woman had stopped taking that when she started the snuff.
He didn't offer her any money back above normal, and didnt offer her any money off another cycle.
The woman went home and thought about it. She was not happy with the clinic because the time they said she had gone to sleep was a lot earlier than she remembered going to sleep, and that time potentially made the difference. Also when she woke up, the clinic told her she hadn't ovulated when she had, and the staff had been laughing and joking outside her door while she was waking up, after she'd been told there were no eggs and she was But that clinic was the best one around her area.
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The woman worked a week that was supposed to be her holiday because work were short staffed. Then the woman had the arrive, and again she was very poorly and couldnt go to work for 1 and 1/2 days. Then , a couple of weeks later, she got a bug, and was off work for another 4 days. So the womans bosses weren't happy. They waited till she was back at work and called her in for a talk. They told her this time of was not acceptible, They said she should work longer hours when she was there, take shorter lunchbreaks etc to make up for the few days she'd had off sick. They said all her colleagues were angry with her for taking time off. They also said a client had complained about her when she was poorly, before she took the time of work, that she was sweaty.
The woman said - what do you want me to do? you dont want me to take time of sick, but you complain when I sweat beacuse I'm so sore when I'm in work? The bosses didnt answer - they just wanted it to stop.
So the woman asked one of her colleagues - are you all angry with me? And they said - no we're not angry with you. We're angry with the bosses because, when you're not here, they dont do any more to help. We know it's not your fault that you were sick.
Then the woman had a week's holiday. She was really looking forward to a week away from work and her nasty bosses.
But then - at the start of the holiday, they womans handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but -very-nice-guy turned around to her and said ' I want to split up. I dont want to be your love any more '
So the woman got very upset and and he cried, and he started organising to leave the house that had been their home together for 4 and 1/2 years - the home they were going to bring up in.
But then he thought about things, and he went to stay with a friend , and came back and said ' I love you . I dont want to split up. But I dont want to do any IVF any more. It's me or a '
Then , a few weeks later, he came to her and said ' lets do another cycle of IVF ' . And the woman was very because she but also wanted a
So she got back in touch with the local clinic, and started making plans to go back there. But she felt sick and and she realised she couldnt go back there again. She also realised she couldnt go through all the drugs and everything, and not get to the 2ww - not even get a maybe-baby.
Now her love had said right from the beginning that he couldnt do donor eggs - either it was her eggs or no So she sat and thought about it. She loved her handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but-very-nice-guy, but she wanted a baby. She found out about a clinic in Turkey called Jinemed that did something called a tandem cycle where both she and a donor would get stimulated, They had a very good success rate with women with tired ovaries. She also found a clinic that would let her adopt an embryo- either with a partner , or on her own.
The woman said - what do you want me to do? you dont want me to take time of sick, but you complain when I sweat beacuse I'm so sore when I'm in work? The bosses didnt answer - they just wanted it to stop.
So the woman asked one of her colleagues - are you all angry with me? And they said - no we're not angry with you. We're angry with the bosses because, when you're not here, they dont do any more to help. We know it's not your fault that you were sick.
Then the woman had a week's holiday. She was really looking forward to a week away from work and her nasty bosses.
But then - at the start of the holiday, they womans handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but -very-nice-guy turned around to her and said ' I want to split up. I dont want to be your love any more '
So the woman got very upset and and he cried, and he started organising to leave the house that had been their home together for 4 and 1/2 years - the home they were going to bring up in.
But then he thought about things, and he went to stay with a friend , and came back and said ' I love you . I dont want to split up. But I dont want to do any IVF any more. It's me or a '
Then , a few weeks later, he came to her and said ' lets do another cycle of IVF ' . And the woman was very because she but also wanted a
So she got back in touch with the local clinic, and started making plans to go back there. But she felt sick and and she realised she couldnt go back there again. She also realised she couldnt go through all the drugs and everything, and not get to the 2ww - not even get a maybe-baby.
Now her love had said right from the beginning that he couldnt do donor eggs - either it was her eggs or no So she sat and thought about it. She loved her handsome not-quite-prince-charming-but-very-nice-guy, but she wanted a baby. She found out about a clinic in Turkey called Jinemed that did something called a tandem cycle where both she and a donor would get stimulated, They had a very good success rate with women with tired ovaries. She also found a clinic that would let her adopt an embryo- either with a partner , or on her own.
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So she waited till it was a good time - or as good a time as it could be- and she said to her love ' I cant do a cycle of normal IVF, I cant go though all those drugs and pain and not get any embys again ' so she told him the options, and left him to think about it. She didnt want to split up, but she did want a
So her love went away and thought about it. he got very drunk, and thought about it. And he said 'I love you very much and I dont want to split up. I dont want to do donor eggs but , if it's that or I lose you, I'll do it. But I dont want to do it till next year'
So the woman was . It was as much as she could hope for. So she got in touch with the clinic and organised it for the next year. She kept asking her love' are you sure ' and he said he didnt want to talk about it. She said ' should i just organise it ' and he said he didnt want to talk about it. So she organised it, hoping that he wouldn't change his mind. She was very scared when he went to see his Mum at because his Mum is a Jehovas Witness,and they think things like donor eggs and blood transfusions are . But he said his Mum's views were not his views. So she organised things as best she could and , after new year, said 'we need to talk about this'. He said ' I dont want to do it. I think the child will be and an abomination. But you want to do it, and I cant stand the ideal of you adopting an embryo and having another mans child, so I will do .But I'm not happy about it. '
So her love went away and thought about it. he got very drunk, and thought about it. And he said 'I love you very much and I dont want to split up. I dont want to do donor eggs but , if it's that or I lose you, I'll do it. But I dont want to do it till next year'
So the woman was . It was as much as she could hope for. So she got in touch with the clinic and organised it for the next year. She kept asking her love' are you sure ' and he said he didnt want to talk about it. She said ' should i just organise it ' and he said he didnt want to talk about it. So she organised it, hoping that he wouldn't change his mind. She was very scared when he went to see his Mum at because his Mum is a Jehovas Witness,and they think things like donor eggs and blood transfusions are . But he said his Mum's views were not his views. So she organised things as best she could and , after new year, said 'we need to talk about this'. He said ' I dont want to do it. I think the child will be and an abomination. But you want to do it, and I cant stand the ideal of you adopting an embryo and having another mans child, so I will do .But I'm not happy about it. '
So the woman waited till the had arrived again. The tandem cycle was in 2 parts. The woman would go to Istanbul for stims, but then go to cyprus for egg collection from both her and the donor ( because in turkey donor eggs are not allowed ). So she organised flights to Istanbul, and somewhere to stay. She was going there with her Mum to keep her company. She also organised flights for her love to cyprus, and somewhere for him and her to stay there.
So on Friday 29th Jan 2010, she flew from Glasgow in Scotland to Heathrow, then to Istanbul, to start a tandem cycle.
So on Friday 29th Jan 2010, she flew from Glasgow in Scotland to Heathrow, then to Istanbul, to start a tandem cycle.
Flight arrived ok - and on time. It had been half empty so Mum and I got out choice of seats ( me window, her aisle ) with noone inbetween. At the airport a man was standing with a bit of paper with my name on it. I went up and spoke to him , and we started to leave when I saw another person with a bit of paper, also with my name on it. I'd originally organised with the clinic to get someone to collect me from the airport, but when we went with the flat rather than a hotel, they offered collection, and wanted paid in advance for the rental and contracts signed etc. So I'd emailed the clinic to cancel the airport collection several days before. However, it looked like there had been a 'breakdown in communication'. there was lots of gesturing of arms and shouting etc. i ended up speaking to both manager of flats and someone from the clinic to get things sorted.
Drive to flat a bit hair-raising. Lots of weaving inbetween cars, driving while talking on mobile ( in one case 2 mobiles ) . Felt a bit on the queasy side by the time we arrived at the flat.
Flat itself looks ok. Next to a police station, so at least should be fairly safe. However, there was a bus running outside that was very loud. And the flat itself smelled strongly of cigarette smoke - not great when neither mum not I smoke ( i used to. quit over 4 years ago as part of the trying to have a baby drive ). bus noise not an issue so much for me as my room is at the back. Mum, however, is staying on the sofa bed in the livingroom, so she didnt get much sleep. Some bowls hot water and a few drops lavender essential oil helped with the smell.
went for a wander in the local vicinity. About 2 mins away to big shopping street, and local wee grocers around. Walked to taksin square. While there, mobile went and Romina phoned, asking me if AF had started. I told her it would prob start sunday, as staining gettting heavier. She made me an appt at the clinic for 1pm on monday. I was feeling quite tired and grotty - partially from travel, also with the joys of endo At least I'm not having to work through this cycle.
We went out for dinner to a wee local resturant. I think they saw us coming - our Mezzo was followed by unasked for chili type hot dish, and a £30 price tag. oh well, we'll know for next time.
We went out for dinner to a wee local resturant. I think they saw us coming - our Mezzo was followed by unasked for chili type hot dish, and a £30 price tag. oh well, we'll know for next time.
Logged
AF started full flow am, having spotted through the night. We went to a supermarket from directions given by some of the lovely ladies on the jinemed thrad, and bought some goodies, including some baclava. Went for a wander in the evening the other way along the shopping street, and stopped on the way back for a rather pricey starbucks ( I had the chocolate milkshake thing with cream on top , but i did share it with mum who had a very virtuos , if mainly froth, cappucino ) We have food in the flat. I'm very glad we got a flat not a hotel room. We'd prob strangle each other within a week.
Logged
Monday 1st Feb
Got up about 10.15 local time. Got organised and got cab to clinic for 1pm ( actually arrived about 12.30 ) Clinic very clean and people very friendly. there's even a cafe on the ground floor. Filled in paperwork and met Romina. Gave her some white Thorntons chocolates I'd brought from UK as I'd heard she liked them.
Met Dr Munip. He has decided he wants to keep me on Gonal f rather than try menopur, as he says that they know I respond to gonal f. He scanned me and found ovary ok - he thinks. Because I only have the R one, and it is in such an abnormal place, there was no way he could do an antral follicle count ( noone ever has ) he says we'll just have to wait and see how I respond to the drugs. I'm to start femara tablets ( letrozole ) 2.5mg 1 tablet twice daily and gonal F 300iu once daily. have enough to do me till thurs evening and another appt for fri at 11am.It's with a differnt dr as dr Munip is in London, but I'll see him again on Monday ( they try to keep continuity , which is good ) They did check if I was ok to inject myself ( I'm a vet, so I use syringes and needles every day. ) He said the usual about if I dont respond they'll cancel the cycle. he seemed quite hopeful really. I checked that he knew I was tandem, and he said yes - the donor is already being stimmed, and I'll find out more on Friday.
Went downstairs and had a fresh orange juice. Had to go back upstairs for some alcohol wipes as I'd been so busy chatting to Romina, and distracting her, she'd not given me any.
We went for a wander down to the seaside, and got a bus back to taksim. I'd taken my first femora. Got the gonal F in the fridge, and had a siesta. In the evening, spent some time on line. had my 1st Gonal F inj at 10.30 pm local time, and another femora tablet.
Got a phone call from my partner. He was missing me. he said that he's getting quite excited about it if it's with my eggs, but he's still not happy about the DE thing. He says he doesnt know if he'll be able to cope with a child that is not his and mine. I keep trying to tell him it will be my child. If it were not for my wish for a child, that child will not exist. My hormones etc will act upon that child, it will be my voice that it developes hearing, and me that loves nurtures and wants it. Why cant he understand that? I have to believe everything happens for a reason. What that reason is , I dont know, but that doesnt mean there isn't a reason. I dont care if I'm using religion as the opiate of the masses. I have to make sense of my life as I live it, and having spent a long time going ' why me' as all those around me who wanted children had them, and often now more than one. Those who, when we started ttc didn't even consider wanting a child; now have their family complete.
He also said that his friend is playing a gig in Wakefield on sat night that he wants to go to. His flight out to cyprus is Mon morning early. I had a very poor nights sleep stressing about him missing his flight ( I'm worried as is that he wont turn up ) so ended up texting him to say that if he wanted best chance with my eggs, stress not good and him going was stressing me. There will be other gigs. at £5,300 plus travel, accomodation and time of work, dont know how many more cycles there can be - if any.
Got up about 10.15 local time. Got organised and got cab to clinic for 1pm ( actually arrived about 12.30 ) Clinic very clean and people very friendly. there's even a cafe on the ground floor. Filled in paperwork and met Romina. Gave her some white Thorntons chocolates I'd brought from UK as I'd heard she liked them.
Met Dr Munip. He has decided he wants to keep me on Gonal f rather than try menopur, as he says that they know I respond to gonal f. He scanned me and found ovary ok - he thinks. Because I only have the R one, and it is in such an abnormal place, there was no way he could do an antral follicle count ( noone ever has ) he says we'll just have to wait and see how I respond to the drugs. I'm to start femara tablets ( letrozole ) 2.5mg 1 tablet twice daily and gonal F 300iu once daily. have enough to do me till thurs evening and another appt for fri at 11am.It's with a differnt dr as dr Munip is in London, but I'll see him again on Monday ( they try to keep continuity , which is good ) They did check if I was ok to inject myself ( I'm a vet, so I use syringes and needles every day. ) He said the usual about if I dont respond they'll cancel the cycle. he seemed quite hopeful really. I checked that he knew I was tandem, and he said yes - the donor is already being stimmed, and I'll find out more on Friday.
Went downstairs and had a fresh orange juice. Had to go back upstairs for some alcohol wipes as I'd been so busy chatting to Romina, and distracting her, she'd not given me any.
We went for a wander down to the seaside, and got a bus back to taksim. I'd taken my first femora. Got the gonal F in the fridge, and had a siesta. In the evening, spent some time on line. had my 1st Gonal F inj at 10.30 pm local time, and another femora tablet.
Got a phone call from my partner. He was missing me. he said that he's getting quite excited about it if it's with my eggs, but he's still not happy about the DE thing. He says he doesnt know if he'll be able to cope with a child that is not his and mine. I keep trying to tell him it will be my child. If it were not for my wish for a child, that child will not exist. My hormones etc will act upon that child, it will be my voice that it developes hearing, and me that loves nurtures and wants it. Why cant he understand that? I have to believe everything happens for a reason. What that reason is , I dont know, but that doesnt mean there isn't a reason. I dont care if I'm using religion as the opiate of the masses. I have to make sense of my life as I live it, and having spent a long time going ' why me' as all those around me who wanted children had them, and often now more than one. Those who, when we started ttc didn't even consider wanting a child; now have their family complete.
He also said that his friend is playing a gig in Wakefield on sat night that he wants to go to. His flight out to cyprus is Mon morning early. I had a very poor nights sleep stressing about him missing his flight ( I'm worried as is that he wont turn up ) so ended up texting him to say that if he wanted best chance with my eggs, stress not good and him going was stressing me. There will be other gigs. at £5,300 plus travel, accomodation and time of work, dont know how many more cycles there can be - if any.
Logged
Tues 2nd
Absolutely pi**ing down outside. Weather forecast not good for the next few days either. Texted colleague at work who swapped weekends with me so I could come out early - weekend went ok Feel a bit queasy. Got a text from DP saying 'ok. I love you' , so hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. had a bit of a cry as I wish he could understand how guilty I feel over the fact I'm a poor responder. I know it's stupid - it's not my fault that i have poor ovarian reserve, it's nothing i did or did not do. It is the way it is. i wish it were different. I've tried all sorts of things to help, but sometimes ' you cant make a silk purse out of a sow's ear ' and I'm definitely oink oink
Absolutely pi**ing down outside. Weather forecast not good for the next few days either. Texted colleague at work who swapped weekends with me so I could come out early - weekend went ok Feel a bit queasy. Got a text from DP saying 'ok. I love you' , so hopefully I'll sleep better tonight. had a bit of a cry as I wish he could understand how guilty I feel over the fact I'm a poor responder. I know it's stupid - it's not my fault that i have poor ovarian reserve, it's nothing i did or did not do. It is the way it is. i wish it were different. I've tried all sorts of things to help, but sometimes ' you cant make a silk purse out of a sow's ear ' and I'm definitely oink oink
Logged
Downloaded Skype, and phoned DP. Of course tonight, when it's 2p per minute, he's not interrested in talking. Last night, when it was £2 plus a minute - then he wanted to chatter away, and it was over 25 mins before I could get him of the phone. Oh well - no point stressing. I have to say eating baclava has helped me de-stress ( very sweet sticky and utterly bad for you filo pastry and nut things- irresistable )
Logged
Wed 3rd of Feb - Istanbul
Well, had a lovely day. Weather outside cold but clear - some snow lying but nome falling. We walked to Taksim Square and bought an Akbil ( a token that you pre-pay journeys on. I can be used for trams, buses, funicular and metro).Bought some seed and fed the pigeons. They seem to have fewer feet problems than at home. Pos fewer viral infections. We got the Nostalgic tram ( 2 old early 20th century vehicles taken out of service in 1966 and returned to service along Istiklal Caddesi, a semi-pedestrianised shopping street, in 1989) to Tunel. Pretty good. Then got on the funicular - a sort of underground tram thing that just goes up and down a steep slope- to Karakoy, where we got a normal tram to Sultanahmet.
Went into a cafe and had a hot chocolate (no-where here does decaf- except starbucks ) which was lovely. Went round the Hagia Sophia - 20 YTL each to get in I felt was pretty good value. Was pretty impressive - but very cold. Avoided several men who ' weren't guides' just happened to have shops selling mainly carpets ( in one case clothes ) that they wanted to take us to after showing us round the Blue Mosque. We're quite glad that we're staying away from Sultanahmet - it's very touristy. Went back to cafe and had turkish pastries for lunch ( ok ) and another hot chocolate. Realised everything was due to shut soon ( it was 4pm in feb ) so went back home - Tram to Kabatas and another funicular to Taksim. came home and had a cup of tea. I went to bed for a couple of hours, then got up and made french toast.
Got a text from DP who's got a second cold to add to his first one, and is feeling really grotty. Phoned him to see how he was. Thank god for Skype. He sounds pretty grotty. He told me off for not telling him what the scans were showing - quite a change from the normal situation where I tell him stuff and he goes Ugg. He was reassured by the fact that I hadn't actually been back to the hosptal since I gave him an update on Mon evening. He then asked how the injections were going. Quite sweet really.
He's decided he's going to take the car to the airport rather than get a cab, and save some money.
Re drugs, jags etc going ok. I feel quite bloated, but how much of that is the drugs, and how much is the baclava, I dont know ( I suspect drugs, I've not eaten that much ). Still feeling a bit grotty with AF , but nowhere near as bad as I was. Am regretting not bringing my prescription ferous gluconate ( iron ) pills tho, esp as been eating veggie as Mum's veggie and it just seems easier. Pos need to get a nice big steak at some point.
Anyway, as we plan tomorrow to head back to Sutanahmet to see Topkapi Palace/Blue Mosque, better head to bed.
Well, had a lovely day. Weather outside cold but clear - some snow lying but nome falling. We walked to Taksim Square and bought an Akbil ( a token that you pre-pay journeys on. I can be used for trams, buses, funicular and metro).Bought some seed and fed the pigeons. They seem to have fewer feet problems than at home. Pos fewer viral infections. We got the Nostalgic tram ( 2 old early 20th century vehicles taken out of service in 1966 and returned to service along Istiklal Caddesi, a semi-pedestrianised shopping street, in 1989) to Tunel. Pretty good. Then got on the funicular - a sort of underground tram thing that just goes up and down a steep slope- to Karakoy, where we got a normal tram to Sultanahmet.
Went into a cafe and had a hot chocolate (no-where here does decaf- except starbucks ) which was lovely. Went round the Hagia Sophia - 20 YTL each to get in I felt was pretty good value. Was pretty impressive - but very cold. Avoided several men who ' weren't guides' just happened to have shops selling mainly carpets ( in one case clothes ) that they wanted to take us to after showing us round the Blue Mosque. We're quite glad that we're staying away from Sultanahmet - it's very touristy. Went back to cafe and had turkish pastries for lunch ( ok ) and another hot chocolate. Realised everything was due to shut soon ( it was 4pm in feb ) so went back home - Tram to Kabatas and another funicular to Taksim. came home and had a cup of tea. I went to bed for a couple of hours, then got up and made french toast.
Got a text from DP who's got a second cold to add to his first one, and is feeling really grotty. Phoned him to see how he was. Thank god for Skype. He sounds pretty grotty. He told me off for not telling him what the scans were showing - quite a change from the normal situation where I tell him stuff and he goes Ugg. He was reassured by the fact that I hadn't actually been back to the hosptal since I gave him an update on Mon evening. He then asked how the injections were going. Quite sweet really.
He's decided he's going to take the car to the airport rather than get a cab, and save some money.
Re drugs, jags etc going ok. I feel quite bloated, but how much of that is the drugs, and how much is the baclava, I dont know ( I suspect drugs, I've not eaten that much ). Still feeling a bit grotty with AF , but nowhere near as bad as I was. Am regretting not bringing my prescription ferous gluconate ( iron ) pills tho, esp as been eating veggie as Mum's veggie and it just seems easier. Pos need to get a nice big steak at some point.
Anyway, as we plan tomorrow to head back to Sutanahmet to see Topkapi Palace/Blue Mosque, better head to bed.
Logged
Thurs 4th
Alarm went of at 9.30 local time ( 7.30 uk time ) and nearly got thrown out the window. Between the downstairs neighbours who decided furniture arrangement was a great nocturnal passtime, and the over-amorous dove outside from 4am, sleep wasn't the best. Dragged myself up, had a shower and at least felt like a vague relative of the human race. Managed to eat some breakfast, then we headed back to Sultanahmet. Felt quite ropey - flushes and stabbing pains RHS that may be just wind, but that I hope indicate my ovary is doing something ( I'm sending it loving, warm thoughts, and trying to visualise it with lots of little follies. Feel a bit silly doing it, but what the h*ll) .
We wandered round Topkapi palace , then went into the harem. Very impressive, but I would have prefered it if I hadn't felt like on ice cube. On the plus side, it did help with the hot flushes
Gave up after that - 4 hours of culture in barely above freezing is about all I can take in 1 day. I just hope the palace was warmer when occupied. We came home via our nice local supermarket. Had some late lunch ( as in 6 pm ) and I got my steak. Mum had a spinach pastry thing that she says was quite nice.
Gave DP a phone after crashing for an hour ( the joys of holidays ) He's still dying of the cold, but otherwise on good form and quite chatty. He says he has his concerns re the flight from Istanbul to cyprus - that either he'll be swimming, or that the plane will be an old moth, and he'll be cycling to provide the lift. I tried to reassure him that he wouldnt be the only one providing pedal power. However, that didn't seem to mollify him at all
Got the clinic at 11am tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous - surely they cant expect anything yet ? I've just had inj no 4, and normally nothing shows on my ovary till at least day 7. I'm hoping they just want to check everything is ok- no cysts or anything, and maybe get some bloods and check uterine lining is starting to thicken. If they're wanting to see follies on my ovary then they're in for a disappointment .
I hope they're not going to cancel at this point. If it's going to be cancelled ( which I hope it's not ) i'd like it to be a bit further on ( at least after DP has done his bit ) .
Anyway, as now midnight local time, I'd better get organised. I need to remember to take my femara tablet with me tomorrow to take on the way, or I'll be walking onto the clinic going ' give me a pill '
Alarm went of at 9.30 local time ( 7.30 uk time ) and nearly got thrown out the window. Between the downstairs neighbours who decided furniture arrangement was a great nocturnal passtime, and the over-amorous dove outside from 4am, sleep wasn't the best. Dragged myself up, had a shower and at least felt like a vague relative of the human race. Managed to eat some breakfast, then we headed back to Sultanahmet. Felt quite ropey - flushes and stabbing pains RHS that may be just wind, but that I hope indicate my ovary is doing something ( I'm sending it loving, warm thoughts, and trying to visualise it with lots of little follies. Feel a bit silly doing it, but what the h*ll) .
We wandered round Topkapi palace , then went into the harem. Very impressive, but I would have prefered it if I hadn't felt like on ice cube. On the plus side, it did help with the hot flushes
Gave up after that - 4 hours of culture in barely above freezing is about all I can take in 1 day. I just hope the palace was warmer when occupied. We came home via our nice local supermarket. Had some late lunch ( as in 6 pm ) and I got my steak. Mum had a spinach pastry thing that she says was quite nice.
Gave DP a phone after crashing for an hour ( the joys of holidays ) He's still dying of the cold, but otherwise on good form and quite chatty. He says he has his concerns re the flight from Istanbul to cyprus - that either he'll be swimming, or that the plane will be an old moth, and he'll be cycling to provide the lift. I tried to reassure him that he wouldnt be the only one providing pedal power. However, that didn't seem to mollify him at all
Got the clinic at 11am tomorrow. I'm a bit nervous - surely they cant expect anything yet ? I've just had inj no 4, and normally nothing shows on my ovary till at least day 7. I'm hoping they just want to check everything is ok- no cysts or anything, and maybe get some bloods and check uterine lining is starting to thicken. If they're wanting to see follies on my ovary then they're in for a disappointment .
I hope they're not going to cancel at this point. If it's going to be cancelled ( which I hope it's not ) i'd like it to be a bit further on ( at least after DP has done his bit ) .
Anyway, as now midnight local time, I'd better get organised. I need to remember to take my femara tablet with me tomorrow to take on the way, or I'll be walking onto the clinic going ' give me a pill '
Logged
Friday 5th
Well, so far so good. Scan showed ' possibly a couple of follicles ' on my right ovary, tho nothing on the left ( not surprising, I've not had a left ovary for nearly 3 years now ) And NO CYSTS. I'd started to really stress myself both last night and this morning that the reason I was feeling sore on the RHS was that I'd developed some more cysts on that ovary, so was dreading them cancelling the cycle, and stressing that they wouldnt be able to even use DE. Kept telling myself I was being silly ( I'm pretty sure the previous cysts were due to the provera pre-treatment I had ) but you know how it is at 6 am. I was distracted a little by a taxi driver trying to massively overcharge us - he said it was 25 YTL for a trip that last time cost us 10 YTL. Backed down when challenged - he was just at it .
I have gonal F to do me till Mon still on the 300iu day. Also cetrotide 0.25 mg to start on Sun. Back in for another scan on Monday at 1 pm. Shouldnt be any problems with me flying to Cyprus Tues so I'll get to see DP. I am missing him. I just hope he's feeling a bit better by then . Not only do I not want his bug, but I'm not at my nurturing best while on meds - and psyco me may not be as sympathetic as he would wish
Came out the clinic, and walked down to the front. Stopped off at a cafe on the way. I do like hot chocolate, but am starting to get a bit fed up of it. Why can nowhere do decaff? We also had a brownie between us and some mini-eclairs. Very naughty, but equally nice , tho possibly close to a chocolate overload. Well, close........
Walked down to the Dolmabache Palace ( well, we had those eclairs to burn off ). Pretty good value - 20YTL each, and no extra charge for the tours. There were 2 - one showing the admin areas and the Sultans bit, the other the Harem, or private rooms. Quite interesting to see after Topkapi yesterday which it was built to replace. Reminded me a bit of a cross between Buckingham Palace and Versailles.
We had a break between the 2 tours at the cafe, where Mum had a nescafe to stay off the hypothermia ( literally a cup of hot water with a sachet of nescafe ) . I just tried to meld with the radiator ( they didn't even have hot chocolate )
I did buy a couple of bits and pieces at the shop - a shot glass with a lucky eye on it for DP , a ceramic fridge magnet , and a book of the palace ( no photos allowed inside ) Dont normally buy stuff like that, but keep thinking ' if this works....' The poor child isnt only going to get baby photos inflicted on it as a teenager - there'll also be the ' when you were conceived ' slide show and memorabelia
Got the funnicular back to taksim, and came home via our little supermarket; had to get some fruit to balance up the chocolate.
Plan for tomorrow - we WILL see the Blue Mosque . I may need to buy a headscarf, as I tried on the shawl thing I brought and I dont seem to be able to get any look other than that of a psycotic nun with jug ears. I dread to think how bad the photos would be
Well, so far so good. Scan showed ' possibly a couple of follicles ' on my right ovary, tho nothing on the left ( not surprising, I've not had a left ovary for nearly 3 years now ) And NO CYSTS. I'd started to really stress myself both last night and this morning that the reason I was feeling sore on the RHS was that I'd developed some more cysts on that ovary, so was dreading them cancelling the cycle, and stressing that they wouldnt be able to even use DE. Kept telling myself I was being silly ( I'm pretty sure the previous cysts were due to the provera pre-treatment I had ) but you know how it is at 6 am. I was distracted a little by a taxi driver trying to massively overcharge us - he said it was 25 YTL for a trip that last time cost us 10 YTL. Backed down when challenged - he was just at it .
I have gonal F to do me till Mon still on the 300iu day. Also cetrotide 0.25 mg to start on Sun. Back in for another scan on Monday at 1 pm. Shouldnt be any problems with me flying to Cyprus Tues so I'll get to see DP. I am missing him. I just hope he's feeling a bit better by then . Not only do I not want his bug, but I'm not at my nurturing best while on meds - and psyco me may not be as sympathetic as he would wish
Came out the clinic, and walked down to the front. Stopped off at a cafe on the way. I do like hot chocolate, but am starting to get a bit fed up of it. Why can nowhere do decaff? We also had a brownie between us and some mini-eclairs. Very naughty, but equally nice , tho possibly close to a chocolate overload. Well, close........
Walked down to the Dolmabache Palace ( well, we had those eclairs to burn off ). Pretty good value - 20YTL each, and no extra charge for the tours. There were 2 - one showing the admin areas and the Sultans bit, the other the Harem, or private rooms. Quite interesting to see after Topkapi yesterday which it was built to replace. Reminded me a bit of a cross between Buckingham Palace and Versailles.
We had a break between the 2 tours at the cafe, where Mum had a nescafe to stay off the hypothermia ( literally a cup of hot water with a sachet of nescafe ) . I just tried to meld with the radiator ( they didn't even have hot chocolate )
I did buy a couple of bits and pieces at the shop - a shot glass with a lucky eye on it for DP , a ceramic fridge magnet , and a book of the palace ( no photos allowed inside ) Dont normally buy stuff like that, but keep thinking ' if this works....' The poor child isnt only going to get baby photos inflicted on it as a teenager - there'll also be the ' when you were conceived ' slide show and memorabelia
Got the funnicular back to taksim, and came home via our little supermarket; had to get some fruit to balance up the chocolate.
Plan for tomorrow - we WILL see the Blue Mosque . I may need to buy a headscarf, as I tried on the shawl thing I brought and I dont seem to be able to get any look other than that of a psycotic nun with jug ears. I dread to think how bad the photos would be
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